A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady, "Do you have a vagina?"
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman, "Do you have a vagina?"
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband decides he is taking tomorrow off work to be home just in case this guy shows up again".
The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the door.
The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice, "Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it."
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question, "Do you have vagina?".......
"Yes" she says......
The man replies.. "Good! Then tell your husband to leave my
wife's alone and start using yours?!?!?!"
Friday, July 25, 2008
Do you have one of those ??
Gota go to school
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
Thursday, July 24, 2008
You Americans always do the wrong thing
The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'
She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honor! This American should be put in his place!'
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.'
Yacht Delivery
65' custom-built motor yacht complete with 4 staterooms, a state-of-the-art galley, GPS System and radar for navigation, twin supercharged diesel engines, etc.
$4,500,000.00
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Champagne, chocolate covered strawberries with cream and music dockside for the excited 'soon to be owners' and a small group of friends.
$500.00
Two corporate representatives, crane, and rigging complete with faulty turnbuckle.
$2,500/hour
(Note the guy in the stern!)
Watching your dreamboat nose dive into the harbor, accompanied by two corporate Representatives just prior to 'inking' the final paperwork...
PRICELESS!
So, how was your day.....
10 ways to terrorize a telemarketer
10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked
because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems;
my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died."
9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell
their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where their
company is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions
about their company for as long as necessary. Such as when did their company
start, who was the founder, are they still with company?
8. Cry out in surprise, the name of the telemarketer name such as
"Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?"
Hopefully, this will give "Judy" a few brief moments of pause as
she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and
Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have
any friends. Would you be my friend?"
6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home arrest" and ask if they
could bring you a case of beer and some chips.
4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry
you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just
give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they
will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When
the
telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you
say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The
telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"
2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
"Come on
And first and foremost:
1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD
down
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
The story about Bob...
Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and
plays golf every Saturday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she
know that you drink Budweiser?'
'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to
rub herself all over him and says,
'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'
Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says,
'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
Bob’s funeral will be on Friday.
Memorial Day Air Show
If you like military aircraft, you will like these pictures; if not, you
will still enjoy the scenery of
The clarity of the photos is phenomenal!
Even without the aircraft, these are some of the best shots
of NYC and the Statue of Liberty you'll ever see.
Memorial Day Air Show from
Thanks To ALL Who Served And Are Serving.
click on the photos tho enalge
Please Pray For Our Troops And Leaders.
God Bless
Noah In 2008
In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the
Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no
Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the
Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, 'but things have changed.
I needed a building permit.
I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.
My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the
We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines
and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane
to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'
'No,' said the Lord.
'The government beat me to it.
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